Teaching is…sexy?

I was doing a little swiping after school yesterday and matched with a few guys. The most memorable of them all is definitely this one:

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Really? Where did he expect that to go? “Sure! Let me hop in my car and drive to make out with a random stranger!” I was a little weirded out.

Now let me introduce you to peach cobbler. We’ve been chatting (and exchanged phone numbers last night) but when we were talking about the get-to-know-you stuff like our jobs and hobbies and junk, he sent me this

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He’s not the first guy to tell me that they think teaching is hot/attractive/sexy. Which I find a little weird. I’m tying shoes, reading stories in crazy voices, and I smell like hand sanitizer because my kiddos always seem to pick their nose right before they want to hold my hand or give me a hug. I’ve had 2 kindergartners pee on my floor this year and I’ve been told I “look kinda funny” when I wore my hair in a ponytail. My weekends are spent lesson planning and “keep your hands to yourself please” is a phrase I use wayyyy too often. What is sexy about that?! Don’t get me wrong, I love my job – even the not so fun side – but I wouldn’t exactly call it sexy.

We’ll see how things turn out with him. Like with all my dates, hope for the best and prepare for the worst.

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“The List” – part 2

Don’t worry – there’s more! The list continues…

Monster Cookie – Tinder date. Super nice. Way too hick. End of story.

Brownie – He was a teacher as well, so it was nice to have that in common. He seemed very normal and nice in his Tinder messages. But in person? Incredibly awkward. He kind of stuttered – not sure if it was just nerves or what. We ate a painstakingly awkward dinner and parted ways.

French silk pie – He was a part of my 3 dates in 24 hours (yes. Dinner with Monster Cookie on Friday, dinner with Brownie on Saturday, and drinks with French silk pie after dinner). He actually initially invited me over to his place to watch a movie (uh, what? The first time we meet?!) but I suggested we meet up for drinks instead. We had some great conversation, but things just never took off.

Banana split – He and I were maybe in a relationship? I’m not sure. He was very passive. About everything. I pretty much made the first move for just about everything (gave him my number, suggested we meet up, went in for the first kiss…) We were very similar – he was also a teacher living with his parents. We really hit it off and continued to hang out about once a week into the summer. Unfortunately, he lived a little over an hour away and our schedules just didn’t really mesh. He didn’t seem to want to make time for me. And he wasn’t willing to work anything out so things just kind of fell apart. It sucked, but I realized I wasn’t going to make someone a priority in my life if I was only an option in theirs.

Pumpkin pie – He was actually a non-online date. He was a fellow teacher in a neighboring district that my co-workers thought would be a good match. We met at solo ensemble day, and I thought we hit it off pretty well. And apparently he did too – he added me on Facebook and started messaging me before our bus even got back to school. We met up a couple of times (he had me over to his place for dinner) but then out of nowhere he told me how much he appreciated our friendship…I think I was friend-zoned.

Ice cream sundae – This one was interesting. He messaged me first on Tinder and said something about me being beautiful, but not in a creepy coming on too strong way, it was actually kind of sweet. We talked for a week or two then he asked me for my number. We had texted back and forth for a bit, then I suggested meeting up. Radio silence. I had totally written him off but then he texted me like, 3 days later saying he was sick and now he’s feeling better. So we arranged to meet up at an ice cream place. Things went well and a few days later he invited me to the state fair with his roommate and roommate’s girlfriend. We planned to go on a Friday, but because it was rainy he asked to reschedule for Saturday. Saturday rolls around and then he tells me he’s going to a bar to watch the Ohio State football game then he would text me when they were going to the fair. After a while he texts me “my roommate just bought a round of Fireball…this never ends well.” RED FLAG! Long story short, we never made it to the state fair. And I haven’t heard from him since.

Apple pie – Another Tinder boy, but nothing too special. He was a little bit awkward. Wasn’t crazy about him, but he didn’t drive me nuts either. We kind of tried to meet up again, but I got really busy with school about to start and moving my little sister to Utah. We never connected again – and I’m ok with that.

Turtle cheesecake – this one was an interesting one (and most recent). He messaged me on POF on a Sunday night, and by Monday he had asked for my number and to get a drink after work. This was right after I had decided to give up for a while, but I figured why the heck not? We talked for over 2 hours over burgers and beers. He came on pretty strong – texting me really sweet things, always complimenting me. Of course, I bought into it all and fell pretty hard. By the next Monday I had received a “good morning sweetie” text from him and then it was silent. I was pretty confused – this guy went from being all cutesy-texting-flattery 3 or 4 times a day to barely responding to my messages. When I finally called him out on it, he had admitted that he tends to move things pretty quickly and was scared if I found out about the “skeletons in the closet” (his words, not mine) that I wouldn’t want to be friends either. And that was all he wanted right now – to be just friends. Needless to say, I was incredibly confused and felt like I got slapped in the face.

There you have it! In case you lost count, that’s 15 first dates – in less than a year. Yikes. But like my mom says, you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your Prince Charming. I guess for now, I’ll just keep kissing…

“The List” – part 1

So what’s the deal with this blog? Good question. I blame my mother.

I’ll let you in on a little secret – I was 23 years old and had never gone on a date. I was really good at being the 3rd wheel. Or 5th wheel. I was actually the 11th wheel once. But “Claire” and “boyfriend” were never used in the same sentence. To be honest, I never felt pretty enough to date – who would be interested in me if wasn’t interested in me? But with my new body and newfound self confidence, I decided it was time for something new.

So last fall, I decided to try online dating. And in true Claire style, I didn’t just do 1 site. I opened an Okcupid account, a Plenty of Fish account, a free trial on Match, and then later I also downloaded Tinder. Online dating sometimes gets a bad rap, but I figured that I was decently normal so there had to be some other decently normal people out there…right? I was partially right. I met some good ones, don’t get me wrong. But I also met some real doozies.

I was constantly updating my mother about the different guys – they said what?! She thought I should start a blog. She thought people would love to hear about the dating escapades of a 24 year old living with her parents in the middle of nowhere.

I’m not so sure. But I’m willing to give it a shot. And if not, it’s a great way to document this for my future kids. Because that’s what I tell myself after each experience:

At least I’ll have great stories to tell my kids someday

So I decided to write down all of the dates I’ve been on so far. I’ve changed their names to names of desserts. Because desserts are so much more fun to think about. And I present them to you as:

The List  (part 1)

Chocolate chip cookie – He was my first date ever. He messaged me on POF. Tall, dark, handsome, football player, singer, and composer. Oh yes. He and I hit it off pretty well, but then he kind of fell off the face of the earth. He ignored me, gave me ambiguous answers to questions about hanging out, and when I finally called him out on it, he said that we were too different. In his words “you’re a morning person and I’m a night owl.” Really, it’s because I had a real job and he did not. Sorry if that’s harsh, but it’s true.

Lemon meringue pie – He messaged me on Okcupid. He seemed super nice, intelligent, but was a little bit of a pretty boy. He asked me for my phone number and then called (yes, called. He said texting was too impersonal) to set up the first date. We met for coffee, but it was nothing special. Neither of us tried to talk to each other again

Vanilla cupcake – I was a little hesitant about responding to his message on Okcupid. He seemed like a funny, but quirky guy. He asked for my number and then after a few text conversations, we met for dinner. I knew from the start it was not going anywhere. He was shorter than me (which isn’t a deal breaker, but doesn’t help) and was incredibly awkward and couldn’t keep a conversation. His “self-employed” job was delivering papers part time while living in his mom’s basement. He was 1 class away from finishing a culinary degree but wasn’t sure if he wanted to finish. Yeah, no thanks. I was ready to be done before we even sat down.

Sugar cookie – He was actually a winner. My first boyfriend! He messaged me on POF shortly after Christmas. He mentioned my ukulele playing abilities and won me over. We met on New Year’s Day (I had a little too much fun the night before if you catch my drift…) and despite my broken blood vessels under my eyes and queasy stomach, we hit it off immediately. We actually dated for about 2 months and things were great. But in March he ended up switching careers and couldn’t handle a relationship. I was devastated, but everything happens for a reason…right?

Chocolate cupcake – I actually messaged him first, from a free trial I had on Match. We had messaged back a little and exchanged phone numbers and agreed to meet for dinner. It wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t great either. He was a little awkward and had a really annoying laugh. He texted me 2 days after and said he had a lot of fun. I responded thanks, but I don’t see us as being anything more than friends. That might not have been the nicest way to approach it, but why prolong the inevitable?

Funfetti cupcake – He started my string of Tinder dates. Super funny guy, barely taller than me, and had a real job. He asked to talk on the phone before we met for dinner. We talked for almost an hour! When we met for dinner, things flowed really smoothly. I thought we hit it off quite well. But he was absolutely terrible at responding to texts, so we never did end up meeting again.

Peanut butter cookie – He messaged me on Tinder and he was super sweet. We met for drinks after work, and it wasn’t awesome but wasn’t terrible either. He wanted to take me to dinner and a lacrosse game. That was crazy boring. He wasn’t very good at keeping conversation. We ran out of things to talk about by the time dinner was over. Needless to say, we never talked again.

There’s part 1. But don’t worry – there’s more.